03 Aug Excerpt from Geoff’s upcoming book…
Thinking about life, I always had a sense of joy in me regardless of surrounding circumstances. Even as a child, I had always been curious as to what life was about and how one can achieve joy and peace despite and because of hardship. I faced constant blatant and hurtful racism, witnessed the need to make a choice between standing up for oneself and risk repercussions or “roll over” and face shame. I became familiar with closing ones’ eyes and forging forward as though blinded by faith, although it was sheer survival that motivated the journey. The price I paid for those unkind choices due to unkind circumstances was high. It has taken time, but mostly conscious effort, courage and faith to overcome those hurdles and find internal peace. As I am now older, I believe that my life’s strength comes from my desire to “die trying” instead of surrendering to what does not fit well enough. My first breath was in the pursuit of survival…every breath I take now is geared toward the pursuit of living.
There is this concept of eternity that I cannot comprehend with my limited human awareness. It has no beginning and no end, no left and no right, no up and no down. It is the vastness of vast and much more. It is infinite. So what is my life in comparison to that? The years I will spend on this planet in this form are a blink of a blink of an eye compared to eternity. In fact, my lifetime is the smallest speck in comparison. As this is my belief, I am faced with the following question: what’s the point??? This ride is over before I know it, so why try so hard? Well, my answer is pure ego or “id” driven. I want to ride this as well as I possibly can for as long as the ride last. Death is not the end but a transition for me. My life is as important as each link in an eternal chain. The size of the link may pale in comparison to the eternal length of the chain, but the fortitude of me as the link will impact the strength of the chain. I exist because of all others who come before me. My duty, honor and responsibility is to give the best of myself in order to create better versions of myself and others now and until eternity. If I am committed to that, then I do my part in contributing to the strength of the eternal chain.
If my life is a brick wall, then I want to commit to laying each brick, one at a time, as perfectly as I can. I want to review past bricks and layers so that I can learn and improve my technique. I want to embrace the lessons and journeys of those who laid bricks before me, so that I don’t repeat their mistakes, but honor them by moving their best into the future. I suppose that this makes life eternal: we carry on the best of each other’s legacies so that each brick, no matter when it was laid, has value. To be honest and completely transparent with you, I don’t always succeed in laying the perfect brick. In fact, some days, my building abilities are abysmal. I think that makes me human. Some days, I feel down on myself and make a conscious effort to show gratitude for all around me so that I do not drown in hopelessness and despair. That sounds awfully dramatic, I know, but this is real talk. Some moments are simply tough. Some last longer than others. As with everything, however, I get to make a choice. Surrender, roll over, turn the other cheek or duck, get out of the way of drama and commit to learning and overcoming this obstacle.