16 May The dilemma of trying to be one’s self

The dilemma of trying to be one’s self

Today’s North American society is one that boasts many different faces, languages, customs and ways of thinking. Despite the obvious varieties of life, people are asked in subtle and not so subtle ways to conform to an “invisible standard”. I call it that, because the standard women, for instance, are asked to adhere to is one that dishonors all women. It is set up to be unattainable and unsustainable. It conveys the following messages: 1. There is something about you that is not quite good enough. 2. Be different than you are in order to be “better”. 3. Do not settle for who and how you are, because there is “better”.

The ultimate truth is, however, that no matter what you do, you cannot reach the summit of that manipulative mountain. Even the few that may fit the “standard” cannot possible sustain it, because the overall point is that industries profit from us buying into not being good enough. Sad but true. Where does that leave you?

There is a path that works for you – Geoff J. Ayi-Bonte MA RCC

If we don’t see clearly, we are easily deceived. Remember that you are a blessing to this planet. The world may try to convince you that you are too tall or short, too dark or light, too different or average and many more brain washing statements. Remember that you come from line of people in distant or recent times that host an expansive history. You are the product of many generations that made choices, sacrifices and took courageous steps to make your existence possible. It is time for you to truly realize that you have value.

Many of the women that I see in my office, struggle with the “value” piece. It is tough, because you are typically taught to seek external validation in order to confirm your internal value. That would work if the world, at all times in all places, was warm, loving and fostered equality. Since that is not the case yet, we get to OWN OUR LIFE™. We get to acknowledge our accomplishments even if others refuse to. One of the most important lessons I share with my female clients is to honestly evaluate the actual authenticity of the person they hinge their value on. If a person makes you feel bad about yourself, because they do not like what you look like, how you speak or how you act, ask yourself: What qualifies them to be the expert on me? Lesson: Before you let your feelings of insecurity take over, question the source of input regardless of who it is. Sometimes, the very people who ought to care for us the most are the ones who can damage us. A person’s role in your life is only as valuable as their treatment of you!

Example: a negative parent tells their child that she is never going to amount to anything. As much as we can all agree that this child will likely feel bad about herself in the face of this painful message from a parent, I hope we can equally agree that this negative parent is hardly qualified to predict what this girl will do with her life. Despite the negativity of the message, it is far from authentic. It is, however, a true reflection of the parent’s PERSONAL struggle that is INDEPENDENT of the child. The child happens to be caught in the cross fire.

As much as you may not be a child, the point still holds true. We can increase the odds of protecting ourselves from negative input that feeds our insecurities if we simply question the qualifications of the source.

This is undoubtedly a topic we can talk about beyond this article. I will share with you my 5 Line Spiritual Energy Boost to help you sustain belief in yourself:

Line 1: We are all blessed that you exists. Know that you are seen and cared for…even it is seems to be beyond your sight.

Line 2: I thought I would let you know that you are not alone in what life may throw at you.

Line 3: Remember that you are still able to love and feel despite and because of all that you have gone through.

Line 4: You matter and have great value to those who genuinely love you and all who are blessed enough to cross your path.

Line 5: Be kind to yourself as to attract more of that from life.

For questions or feedback, please contact me. Stay blessed and Own Your Life™.

Sincerely,
your “Mad Shrink”
Geoff J. Ayi-Bonte MA RCC
(Registered Clinical Counsellor)

Defy the odds and be free – Geoff J. Ayi-Bonte MA RCC